Dear Annie: I am a 44-year-old guy who wears his heart on his sleeve. I met “Lisa” two years ago. I was fresh out of a divorce. Lisa was in terrible shape. Her mother had just died, and shortly after, she lost her fiance in a traffic accident. Then she moved back home to take care of her ailing father.
It was love at first sight for me. But Lisa never fully grieved over her fiance. She told me he was her “soul mate,” and that she would never love another man the way she loved him. I told her I have all the patience in the world and would be there for her through her grief and sorrow. I knew she needed to deal with this in her own way, which included getting his name tattooed on her back. Again, I was patient and understanding.
Lisa’s family began inviting me to their home. But her family had been exceptionally close to her fiance and began posting things on Facebook to remind Lisa of him. It finally reached the point where I had to say something, and I talked to Lisa’s cousin. I said posting such things keeps the fiance’s memory fresh in Lisa’s mind, which doesn’t help her heal. I asked the cousin to please get the family to stop doing this. Well, my request got back to Lisa, who became hostile and negative toward me. She broke things off.
Annie, I love Lisa with every ounce of my being. Was I wrong to speak up? – Lonely and Still in Love
Dear Lonely: You meant well, but talking to Lisa’s cousin was inappropriate and appeared as if you were going behind her back and being controlling. Lisa has had a rough time. Regardless of what her family was posting online, she wasn’t ready to get back into the dating pool. It’s also likely that she will always connect you to this unfortunate time. Please move on. This ship has sailed.