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The Slice: Here’s a better tip: Maalox

Sun., April 14, 2013, midnight

What if everything you think you know about Spokane is wrong?

What if everybody here is not, in fact, either poor or cheap? Or both.

A friend found an itemized restaurant receipt the other day – “CHECK #159387-1” for “Table #126.”

It’s from a well-regarded downtown restaurant. It shows that on a recent Wednesday night “2 CUSTOMERS” were served by “Michael W.”

And they ran up a bill of $341.24.

How did they manage that? Allow me to show you.

They started off with a couple of salads – $8 and $9.

Sounds good. You don’t want to fill up on the bread.

Then came “2 OYSTERS ½ SHELL” – $25.90.

Why not?

Then “2 COWBOY RIB STEAK” – $96.00.

It’s probably safe to assume that those are significant slabs o’ beef.

But if you think our diners were winding down at that point, you underestimate them, my friends.

Next on the bill is “1 ADD LOBSTER TAIL” – $49.00.

And “1 STONE CRAB” – $49.00.

Apparently it was a surf and turf evening.

They saved room for a little libation.

To wit: “2 BAILEY’S” – $17.00; “2 CAPTAIN MORGAN” – $15.00; “6 RUMPLEMINZE” – $45.00

Perhaps a few of those liqueurs were for the doggie bag.

They apparently skipped dessert.

So tack on the tax and you have the total.

Oh, I almost forgot. They left a $70 tip.

Who says we’re tightwads here?

Of course, we don’t know that these diners are local people. Maybe we should hope that they were visitors staying at a nearby hotel and that no après meal driving took place.

And we don’t know if it was a man and a woman celebrating an anniversary, two big guys on an expense account or even a couple of women with hearty appetites.

But what we do know is that it might be time for some enterprising Spokane buffet operator to put out a sign that says “All You Can Eat for $411.24.”

Slice answers: Several readers said they would be honest about their number of sexual partners if they could remember well enough to do the calculations.

Today’s Slice question: If the back of your credit/debit card says “Ask for I.D.” do those ringing up your purchase typically do so?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email Ron Mensch learned to drive in a Kaiser automobile.

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