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The Slice: Sadly, some folks swear by golf

Paul Turner, Spokesman-Review columnist. (The Spokesman-Review)

There are several reasons why there are not more people in the Spokane area who play golf.

For some, the expense might be an obstacle. For others, it doesn’t fit their self-image and cultural values.

Still others simply suspect they would not enjoy the sport.

But there’s another reason.

Some people in the Spokane area do not play golf because they know it would make them use foul language.

Oh, sure. That wouldn’t be a big deal to some. But for those who try to adhere to certain standards of personal conduct, the prospect of turning into a profane, expletive-spewing rage monkey is unappealing.

Anyone familiar with golf can tell you. The temptation to swear looms just around the next dogleg. Golf is nothing if not rife with potential exasperation.

Suppose you have made several nice shots in a row. You start thinking there’s no reason you can’t play that way all the time. Right?

Then reality, in the form of a brutal shot, snorts on your scorecard. And you find yourself uttering foul oaths and off-color expressions, as if your body has been taken over by a dark spirit of livid imprecation.

It might be nice if we could just say “Rats!” or “Good grief” in such moments. But these are coarse times. Once colorful cursing is in your communications arsenal it can be difficult to disarm.

OK, there are a few Zen golfers who maintain their composure despite shanked drives, sand-trap muffs and pitiful putts. Congratulations to them.

But those who don’t have their emotions in check can discover something. All the discipline they can muster isn’t always enough to resist denouncing botched strokes in a way that makes it sound like golf isn’t much fun.

What Might Have Been Department: Carol Gollin in Hope, Idaho, shared this.

“A friend in San Diego was happy the hyphenated marriage idea wasn’t around when she married. Shirley’s maiden name was Batt and she married Henry Mann. And she didn’t have the proper wardrobe to fit the part — no cape.”

Today’s Slice question: Who is the Spokane area’s most foul-mouthed tennis player?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email What cast of characters show up when you Google your own name?

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