Before wandering off on a two-week vacation, I specifically told my editors …
“Don’t publish any juicy news stories until I get back!”
They didn’t listen. They never do.
So join me while I stumble back in time to comment on those provocative news items that I would have commented on had I been working or sober enough for comment.
News Nugget 1. The president of Gonzaga University will reconsider the private Catholic school’s decision to not officially recognize an all-Catholic, all-male organization.
Which makes sense.
Gonzaga, after all, already is the official home of one of the planet’s most exclusive, all-male Catholic boys clubs.
The Jesuit Priesthood, I believe it’s called.
News Nugget 2. The Spokane Ethics Committee, which seems like a contradiction in terms, has determined that City Councilman Mike Fagan did NOT defile the city’s code of ethics when he referred to Washington Gov. Jay Inslee as “a lying whore.”
We certainly didn’t need a committee to tell us that.
This is America. This is the land of the free.
Politicians have a constitutionally protected right to commit egregious acts of nincompoopery and make all the boneheaded utterances they can make.
And thank God for that.
The day we start holding politicians to ethical standards is the day I have crap-all to write about.
News Nugget 3. Several downtown Spokane buildings have been fitted with small electronic devices that can emit a mosquito-like whine designed to annoy and disperse our loitering youth.
And if that doesn’t work, just crank up some Barry Manilow.
News Nugget 4. Spokane County Raceway has lost at least $1.6 million in addition to the $4.3 million that Republican county Commissioners Todd Mielke and Mark Richard wasted in buying the track in a 2008 public auction.
“I can’t keep losing money like this,” said current track manager Craig Smith. “It’s crazy.”
That’s not crazy, Craig.
Consider the fate of the aforementioned spendthrifts who stuck us with this money pit near Airway Heights.
Mielke still enjoys the power and privilege of being a commissioner.
And Richard? He only left the commission when he decided not to seek a third term.
That, my fellow voters, is the definition of crazy.
News Nugget 5. Despite marijuana’s now-legal status in Washington, liquor board officials say puffing the wacky weed in any of the state’s lounges, saloons and watering holes will not be tolerated.
Telling loud, uncouth and obnoxious jokes, hitting on strangers and having to puke occasionally in an alley, however, will still be considered legal bar behavior.
News Nugget 6. An exasperated Spokane County Sheriff Ozzie Knezovich has named career thief-and-doper Mark W. Bush as a worthy contender for the legendary Eddie Ray Hall’s criminal crown.
Consider the startling Bush stats.
Since his first arrest at age 16, the now 38-year-old has been arrested 39 times, logged six major convictions and has been charged with at least 170 crimes.
“He ranks right up to Eddie,” declared the fed-up sheriff.
Oh, well. You know the old saying.
Imitation is the sincerest form of felony.
News Nugget 7. Envision Spokane is back for yet another stab at passing its Community Bill of Rights.
And here I thought herpes was the forever disease.