April 19, 2013 in Features

Dinner marred by friend’s attack

Judith Martin Universal Uclick
 

DEAR MISS MANNERS: When I was invited to a dinner with an acquaintance, I expected a relatively short dinner with light and pleasant conversation, and accepted enthusiastically.

Instead, I was treated to a 2 1/2-hour exposition on how I need to fully reconsider my life and choices. She questioned me severely on such personal topics as my friendships and intimate relationships, my lack of social graces, my overly self-important opinion and my lack of self-knowledge, providing “advice” for each topic.

This included her statement that I do not know how to conduct myself in society, and that my current relationship with a young gentleman is “invalid.”

I attempted to end the conversation several times, but she took this behavior as my not giving her my full attention and respect.

At the end of the dinner, she explained what a terrible conversation partner I had been for not asking her questions about herself.

In fact, I was so taken aback at her questions that I could not find a way to continue the conversation. I would normally reciprocate a question nearly verbatim, but I would not want to ask such rude or personal “questions” myself. I would hate to think that such behavior would ever be appropriate, particularly from someone I do not consider a close friend.

Please let me know if I am incorrect in this thought. I have considered what I ought to have asked in response, but I have not been able to find just the right phrasing.

GENTLE READER: It is not that long since Miss Manners heard from someone who planned just such a dinnertime attack. She doesn’t know which makes her feel worse: that her attempts to head off such a travesty of hospitality failed, or that there are two such people as your acquaintance.

There is, indeed, something you should have said when this tirade began: “Goodbye.”

Please send your questions to Miss Manners at her website, www.missmanners.com.


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