Dear Annie: I’m a 70-year-old woman, still attractive and athletic. I have been dating “Sam,” 74, for nearly three years. When we met online, I clearly stated that I wanted to get married in the near future and that I had three cats and wanted a man who loves animals.
Sam is a nice, educated man. He treats me well, and we do a lot of different things. However, he still talks with his ex-wife and ex-girlfriend regularly. He says his ex-girlfriend is lonely and has a sad life. I could deal with that, but his ex-wife was the “love of his life.” He says they have a lot in common and she is fun to talk to. Occasionally, they see each other. I don’t like it, and neither does her boyfriend.
Sam is a great guy in many ways, but I am having a hard time adjusting to this. He insists that his ex is in his past, but isn’t talking to someone on the phone every other week considered a current relationship?
The other problem is that Sam is not nice to my cats. He treats them coldly, and this hurts me. Should I just ignore this? We do go to a lot of places and have fun, and we both love playing golf. – Sad in California
Dear Sad: You have unrealistic expectations about Sam. He enjoys your company, but he’s not ready to settle down. He wants the freedom to stay in touch with his exes, he doesn’t much care for cats and he’s not interested in marriage. There is nothing wrong with accepting Sam as he is and enjoying the fun times you have together. Otherwise, please stop trying to turn him into Mr. Right, and look for a man who better meets your requirements.