April 21, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Can’t do enough to honor dear, old Dad

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Brace yourself.

There are only eight short weeks before Father’s Day, Spokane’s homegrown holiday.

That’s barely enough time to figure out how kids, spouses, siblings and others should salute the Inland Northwest dads in their lives. But there’s no need to panic. Today’s Slice provides a countdown-style schedule. Feel free to tweak to suit the needs of your family’s active lifestyle.

Week 8: No complaining to Dad about the unfairness of life. No whining about impossibly strict household rules requiring children to be home before 4 a.m. No raised voices, slammed doors or using all the hot water. No wearing clothes that make a teenage boy look like “a person of interest” to the police or make a teenage girl appear to be someone starkly unacquainted with modesty.

Week 7: No asking Dad for money. No asking Dad to drive you places. No doing anything that generates calls from the authorities.

Week 6: No harsh critiques of Dad’s laissez-faire parenting style. No lists of chores for Dad that would consume the whole weekend. No suggestions about how Dad should spend Sunday — at least not while he is having his coffee and looking at the paper.

Week 5: Parades. Fireworks. Testimonial dinners. No declaring every single thing Dad does to be “gross.”

Week 4: Household members accustomed to vigorously weighing in on what TV shows or movies to watch shall turn to the Dad in question, smile like a cheerful robotic family, and say “Whatever you’d like to watch is OK with me.”

Week 3: No negative fashion reviews re: what Dad is wearing on Sunday morning. Household members volunteering to walk the dog, mow the lawn, wash the car and stop checking out Dad’s online search history. And no theatrical gagging when Dad floats meal-plan suggestions.

Week 2: Expressing delight re: Dad’s traditionally unappreciated humor stylings. Lots of questions along the lines of “Things were different back in your day, weren’t they Dad? Were kids pampered back then?”

Week 1: Preparing to surprise Dad on June 16 with the gift that says it all — cash.

Today’s Slice question: When was the last time you were carded before purchasing alcohol?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Sometimes those saying that their computer has been down are not telling the whole truth.

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