April 30, 2013 in Features

The Slice: One size bigger would fit all

By The Spokesman-Review
 
The Spokesman-Review photo

Paul Turner, Spokesman-Review columnist.
(Full-size photo)

There’s nothing wrong with Spokane that could not be fixed by all of us going up a size on the T-shirts we wear.

OK, maybe there are a few nagging issues that would not address. Still, this one simple step could unquestionably enhance life hereabouts.

We would look better and feel better about ourselves. And when you’re confident, there’s no limit to what you can accomplish.

Now let’s be clear. I am not an obesity enabler. Nor am I capitulating to the mindset that casual attire is the only category of apparel in Spokane.

I just think everyone wearing slightly bigger T-shirts would increase happiness.

Just consider. If you have a great body, you’ll still look good in looser shirts. Only now, you’ll also appear to be modest.

And if you have a normal, normal-plus or even normal-grande body, bigger T-shirts are an attractive way to go.

Mostly, though, this isn’t about looks. It’s about freedom.

Tight T-shirts can make the wearer self-conscious.

Loose T-shirts free your mind.

Tight T-shirts make the wearer silently mumble a running monologue of “Do I look hot?” … “Do I look fat?” … “Do I look like a sausage?”

A free-flowing T-shirt makes the wearer feel like his or her next step might be in the direction of a boat or convertible. A T-shirt that does not cling helps you relax and reside in a dreamy realm of snazzy sunglasses and sultry songs.

I’m coming off the DL: In the summer of 2004, I played catch at Riverfront Park with several readers. I liked all of them, especially the woman I bonked in the head with a throw that sailed over her glove.

Anyway, I’ve wanted to do it again. But my throwing shoulder has been giving me problems in recent years.

It has been feeling a bit better, though. So I’m game for a new round.

So just contact me if you are interested. There’s no contest to win. You just have to promise me that you will keep your eye on the ball.

Today’s Slice question (inspired by correspondence with a reader named Grace who is about to turn 80): What would a chart showing the popularity of your first name over the years look like?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Sandra Forstrom’s favorite book is “Angle of Repose” by Wallace Stegner.


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