August 5, 2013 in Features

The Slice: They came from aisle of misfit toys

By The Spokesman-Review
 
The Spokesman-Review photo

Paul Turner, Spokesman-Review columnist.
(Full-size photo)

Let’s start with another tale of parents duping small children.

“My kids still remind me of going down the grocery store aisle when they were young and seeing small toys for sale, hanging next to the groceries,” wrote Janet Howard. “They wanted to add them to the cart.”

So Howard told her children that those items were not for sale. “They’re just advertising,” she said in a matter-of-fact way.

The kids accepted this. It would be years before they realized that they had been had.

Paying for your dream kitchen: “From listening to clients over the years, whatever your budget is, take that number and multiply it by 2,” wrote insurance man Jim Gyarfas. “As for how long it will take to complete, use the same formula.”

“What would it cost to turn our kitchen into the kitchen of our dreams?” wrote Kenny Hall. “Easy. Whatever it took to hire Alice away from that goofy Brady family.”

New tricks: “I wish my dog could text me when something strange was going on at home,” wrote Jerry Hilton. “But she would probably send me multiple texts about what the cat was doing. Soon the cat would want a smartphone too and then it would be ordering anchovies online.”

Sun-dried apparel: Gary Rust’s mother used an outdoor clothesline. Sometimes items that had dried out on that line were not all that soft and supple when brought inside.

“I especially remember our jeans,” he wrote. “They were so stiff they could practically stand by themselves. A scene in the ‘Seinfeld’ show where Kramer tries to wear jeans that are too tight closely illustrates how we walked for the first few minutes after donning a pair of clean jeans.”

Loud keyboarding: British Columbia resident Fred Tenisci routinely used a computer at the library in Rossland. But a librarian there questioned his need to pound the keys with such clattering authority. “She made that comment every time I was there.”

So Tenisci took his business to the library in Trail.

Win win.

Today’s Slice question: How does intoxication change the dynamics of board games?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Steve Telecky wonders who around here uses the “oldest, most beat-up” cellphone.


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