August 13, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Point of sale? Only Killingsworth knows for sure

By The Spokesman-Review
 

A friend I will identify only as “Lawrence Killingsworth” recently sold his sailboat.

This came as a personal blow to me. Because going out on Lake Pend Oreille with him had been a summer highlight for years.

I did not press him for details. I don’t like to pry.

Still, I cannot resist speculating. Here are my Top 15 theories about why he sold that beautiful vessel.

1. Sailboats are a lot of work.

2. The prospect of being out there on the water with me one more time and having to hear me launch a long story with “There I was …” seemed too much for him to face.

3. None of us is getting any younger.

4. His dog resents me because of my pet allergies and my friend realized he had to choose a side.

5. He got an offer he couldn’t refuse.

6. The prospect of trying to show me how to tie a nautical knot again.

7. He and his charming wife are trying to simplify their lives.

8. So I tend to forget which lever does what in the head. Sue me.

9. Health issues.

10. Fear that I would talk like a pirate. Again. Arrrrrrrrrr.

11. He plans to acquire a smaller boat.

12. Fear of being quoted.

13. He plans to acquire a larger boat.

14. My using the sailing outings as annual column fodder finally got to be more than he could stand.

15. Some reason that, come to think of it, is none of my business.

Today’s Slice question: My colleague, Pia Hallenberg, saw an empty cat carrier right next to some family’s curbside garbage and recycling. If you had to guess, what’s the story? A) Latch no longer works. B) Resident cat had said “Get that thing out of here – I never want to see it again.” C) Sadly, a pet had passed away. D) The carrier had become redolent of the distinctive bouquet of feline urine. E) When no one was looking, the cat put it out there. F) Both the cat and pet owner had agreed they are never flying again. G) Cat has repeatedly demonstrated an ability to pick the lock. H) Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@ spokesman.com. Should there be an expiration date on nicknames acquired in high school?


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