August 20, 2013 in City

Doug Clark: Oh, Ozzie, firing cops is so passé

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Yet another Spokane County law enforcer has been fired, this one for having sex on duty.

Or cop-ulation if you want the technical term.

Predictable as the sun rising, however, Sheriff Ozzie Knezovich is defending the ousting of Deputy Scott Kenoyer as the right thing to do.

“This was sex on duty,” said the sheriff, “and you just don’t do that.”

Ozzie. Ozzie.

Ozzie.

When are you going to stop being so old-fashioned?

Sure, maybe the public wants a sheriff with a backbone. Maybe the voters want a leader who’ll stand tall for right and fight wrong.

But the cop unions?

They don’t care and Kenoyer’s case is proof of that.

The deputy, according to our news coverage, admitted to having on-duty sex with “the same woman who was linked to a Spokane police officer who resigned in June.”

This may be where the term “internal affairs” comes from.

Anyway, in a rare burst of generosity, the sheriff made Kenoyer a “last-chance” offer.

This called for Kenoyer to be terminated and then reassigned to a job where the deputy would have to agree to keep his little lawman holstered unless heeding the call of nature.

Instead of being grateful, however, the Deputy Sheriffs Association reportedly balked at that word “termination” because it sounds like Kenoyer was guilty of engaging in on-duty diddling, which he was.

So Knezovich let the hammer fall.

“Let’s face it,” the sheriff repeated, “it’s sex on duty.”

Oh, Ozzie. Why do you always have to be such a hard case?

The sheriff must know by now where this passion play is headed.

A bloodthirsty lawyer (sorry for the redundancy) will be hired to sue the department for pain, humiliation and interfering with the deputy’s sex life.

Then like a parlor hypnotist, said lawyer will hoodwink some brain-impaired judge or a doltish arbitrator into finding for his canned client.

Mark my words. Kenoyer will wind up being treated like he just won Let’s Make a Deal.

Don’t believe me?

Let me demonstrate a few of the ways a skilled flimflamming shyster could twist the facts into making Kenoyer the victim.

Such as …

THE HUBBA-HUBBA DEFENSE: Is my client guilty? Yes! Guilty of romance in the first degree.

THE HILLARY CLINTON DEFENSE: What difference – at this point, what difference does it make?

THE CAREER ADVANCEMENT DEFENSE: Don’t look at this as dereliction of duty. No. This is just an overachieving officer trying to gain some undercover experience.

THE MIND YOUR OWN BEESWAX DEFENSE: Don’t come a knockin’ if the prowl car’s a rockin’.

THE CALL TO BOOTY DEFENSE: She asked to hold the deputy’s Glock and he unfortunately was a little hard of hearing.

THE OFFICER & A GENTLEMAN DEFENSE: My client took an oath to protect and serve. And as the witness will soon testify, she was.

THE MINUTE MANAGER DEFENSE: He was only out of service nine minutes. Nine minutes! My client shouldn’t be fired. He should be commended for multitasking.

THE BILL CLINTON DEFENSE: Was my client wrong to have sex on duty? It all depends on what your definition of community relations is.

THE LOCAL HISTORY DEFENSE: No Tasers were fired. No civilians were clubbed senseless.

No ministers were shot dead in the dark under dubious circumstances.

What Scott Kenoyer did isn’t grounds for termination. This is police progress for a place like Spokane.

Doug Clark is a columnist for The Spokesman-Review. He can be reached at (509) 459-5432 or dougc@spokesman.com.

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