December 10, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Exercising, one step at a time

By The Spokesman-Review

You find more people taking the stairs in multistory buildings at this time of year.

Some are trying to compensate for not getting much outdoor exercise during the winter. Others are trying to burn off Christmas confections. Then there are New Year’s resolutions. And so on.

So perhaps this is the right time to discuss “stairs face.”

What’s yours?

Your stairs face is the look you project after having climbed multiple flights, with several more to go.

We don’t carry mirrors while huffing and puffing up several floors. So you will have to guess. But I’ll bet you know which one of the following is your stairs face.

“Feeling the burn”: This look says the stairs-climber is getting a mini-workout and feels good about it.

“I am really suffering but because there is someone coming down the stairs I am unsuccessfully trying to appear to be doing this effortlessly”: This is the look you see on the faces of those who have not exercised much in recent years.

“Call 911”: Much like the previous except without the attempt to mask distress.

“I am imagining certain co-workers in various states of undress”: This is a far-away expression you might see on the face of a stairs walker who is in such good shape that he or she doesn’t even focus on the effort required to go up and up and up.

“Shoot me now”: Grimacing, gasping and the sort of eye-rolling you occasionally see when someone is about to pass out.

“The Terminator”: Essentially expressionless, this look offers few if any clues about the individual’s exertion level.

“Don’t hate me because I am built like a whippet”: A beatific expression that suggests an almost religious euphoria.

“Being in denial about my fitness level was better than this”: The look of someone planning to take the elevator next time.

Today’s Slice question: Do people who live in Inland Northwest communities north of Spokane (say, Colville) think of themselves as experiencing significantly harder winters than those who live south of Spokane (say, Colfax)?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email Maybe you did something in 2013 that entitles you to a coveted reporter’s notebook.

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