December 20, 2013 in Features

The Slice: The lights are all aglow, and teens are all aglower

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Being silent and sullen isn’t the only option for kids of a certain age forced to join their families on after-dark drives to look at Spokane-area Christmas lights.

No, such outings are a perfect opportunity for young people to do what they do best. You know, be vocally unimpressed with adults’ ideas about fun.

But kids, let me tell you something: You’d better not pout.

Instead of whining, you are better off assigning yourself the role of chief holiday lights critic. If you aren’t sure what to say, your old pal, Uncle Slice, is ready to help.

Here are a few observations you can offer as your family wends its way through vistas of yuletide splendor.

“This lights display doesn’t know what it wants to be.”

“It’s the feel-good display of the season!”

“Derivative.”

“Flawed.”

“It’s just not believable.”

“We’ve seen this before, many times.”

“Beautifully realized.”

“Everything but a clown horn.”

“These lights are fun for the whole family.”

“I wet myself.”

Making his case for a coveted reporter’s notebook: “I didn’t do anything superhuman or heroic in 2013,” wrote John Graham. “My small claim to fame was that I turned 65 in September and on Nov. 27, I retired from the Central Valley School District after 28  1/2 years. For 25 of those years I had the privilege of spending each day as the head custodian at Evergreen Middle School (actually Evergreen Junior High from my first day in 1988, until it became a middle school about 1999).

“While some people think that wouldn’t be a very pleasant job, I truly loved every minute of it. I worked with four great principals, six equally great assistant principals, a wonderful, warm and caring staff, and thousands of terrific kids over the years. When I decided to retire, the staff and students made me feel more special than anybody could possibly imagine.”

Graham said he might use his notebook (it’s on its way) to record some of his Evergreen memories.

Today’s Slice question: Do the pets in your household give presents to pets belonging to friends and family?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Strictly speaking, Christmas cookies are not a food group.

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