December 23, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Warning: Last-minute lists may include recycling

By The Spokesman-Review
 

I need to do some shopping.

So I invite you to enjoy a very special batch of holiday reruns.

All of the following items appeared in The Slice on some Dec. 23 in the past.

• (2000) Apparently the stores have been open all along.

Had you heard that?

Well, whatever. For some of us, Christmas shopping season starts today.

But before heading out there to commit commerce, you’ll want to check out The Slice’s Top 30 Tips For Last Minute Shopping. (Chainsawed here to save space.)

Realize that your budget is a joke.

Remember that your teenage nieces are no longer 4 years old.

Think twice before purchasing lingerie for co-workers.

When making a gift of tickets, consider whether the recipient might possibly enjoy the event.

Save receipts.

Poundage is not a reliable measure of a book’s worth.

When shopping for clothes for women, know sizes.

Remember: It’s not really possible to understand clothes sizes for women.

Some people actually dislike it when it is obvious that you spent a lot on them.

Those people are not on your list.

Avoid self-improvement books.

Get the red one.

Remember: The stores will be open tomorrow, too.

• (1995) How’s that again: Steve Hurtig was wearing the trademark red-and-white uniform of the jolly old elf when he walked into the Rosauers in Libby, Mont. A little boy saw him and exclaimed “Santa Closets!”

• (2003) Just so you’ll know.

Placing someone’s lawn decoration reindeer in compromising positions can land you on Santa’s “naughty” list.

• (2004) Swaddled in mystery: Julie Tylman’s 3-year-old son, Theo, had a question after viewing a Nativity scene.

“Did Jesus wear diapers?”

• (2012) Trust me, I’m not making light of failed marriages. But divorces can complicate the addressing of Christmas cards.

• (1997) Warm-up questions: Does eagle watching make you want fish for lunch? How would you feel about STA bus tokens as a stocking stuffer?

Today’s Slice question: (1999) What would be the ingredients in Spokane sauce?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. (2004) Don’t give puppies or kittens as gifts, unless everyone involved understands that this is a potentially 20-year commitment.


Thoughts and opinions on this story? Click here to comment >>

Get stories like this in a free daily email