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The Slice: Medically speaking, questions never hurt

Sun., Feb. 17, 2013, midnight

Why does Spokane exist?

Well, as you know, it used to have something to do with freight trains and brothels. Before that it was fish and game. But now, of course, Spokane is all about medical offices.

That’s fine. Providing quality health care to the good people of the Inland Northwest, some of whom are not obese smokers, is an important mission.

But there’s one problem. Those of us not employed in the medical industrial complex can feel a little left out, jealous even.

There is, however, a solution. We can all do what the good folks at doctors’ offices do. That is, when we encounter someone new in the course of pursuing our vocation, we can present that person with a questionnaire.

Try it. You’ll feel better. Don’t forget to attach it to a clipboard.

OK, I realize you will need a little time to draft your personalized form. But for now, here are a few sample questions to help you get started.

Ever been sorry you agreed to be a job reference for someone?

Do dogs like you?

Are you any good at opening stuck jars?

What would you change about Manito Park?

Is there a history of mental illness among the cats in your household?

Would the Spokane residents who populate your fantasies be surprised to hear that they had been cast in such roles?

How do you spot someone who grew up in Mead?

“Idaho hair” means what?

Let’s move on.

Why men don’t read romance novels: “Because we want the real thing,” wrote Archie Oestreicher.

“Because there are no pictures,” said Wayne Sanders.

“Same reason they don’t ask for directions,” wrote Gary Polser.

“Does porn count?” inquired another reader.

“I read romance novels,” said Chuck Moffitt.

“I believe they would if they were in Playboy,” said Debi Drake. “That’s why men look at that, right? For the articles.”

Today’s Slice question: Do you ever find yourself thinking while watching a movie or TV show that, in the right circumstances, you could have been an actor?

Perhaps you believe you would be right for a certain role. For instance, I’ve long maintained I could play Mr. Hurst in a production of “Pride and Prejudice.”

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email The huge grizzly bears Lewis and Clark encountered were vehemently against urban sprawl.

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