January 1, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Start the new year the ‘Inland Northwest’ way

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Sure, you can eat black-eyed peas today.

They are a good source of dietary fiber.

But the Inland Northwest really needs its own good-luck traditions for New Year’s Day.

The Slice has a few proposals. A case could be made that it is good luck on New Year’s Day to …

Eat pie made with Northwest apples.

Pat your neighbor’s cat on the head while saying “Cinderella story … outta nowhere.”

Avoid the polar bear plunge in Coeur d’Alene.

Listen to “Baby Got Back.”

Say to a driver who is texting, “Pull over and let me out.”

Decide on your Hoopfest team’s name.

Eat Idaho potatoes.

Shake hands with John Blanchette.

Get Jess Walter to autograph your backside.

Rearrange your Bloomsday shirts.

Rub Dan Kleckner’s head.

Have your picture taken in front of the Cathedral of St. John the Evangelist.

Feed the Riverfront Park garbage goat.

Throw a snowball against the Clock Tower.

Wear the same shirt you wore when WSU played Michigan in the Rose Bowl.

Sell someone the Monroe Street Bridge.

Have tartar sauce on everything.

Avoid thinking about the lampshade-wearing raccoons in your lake cabin.

Cheat at checkers while playing against a child.

Say, “Well, what did you think I was doing — yoga?”

Ask someone other than your spouse how to delete your search history.

Fast-forward through “Vision Quest” or “Benny and Joon.”

Go online and remind someone that you had begged him or her to get therapy.

Write a letter to the editor and feel smug about the fact you signed your real name.

Kiss an Eastern Washington University graduate.

Designate 20 square cubits of stuff for throw-out or recycling.

Tell a preschooler that you can eat 50 peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.

Fast-forward through “The Postman” or “Always.”

Count the people you know/knew who were named in Jack Olsen’s “Son.”

Avoid saying, “Say, weren’t you some famous sports guy from Spokane?”

Delete all email that didn’t arrive in 2013.

Declare that you intend to den up until March.

Today’s Slice question: How many hours of two-screen time will you spend in 2013?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. No, we’re not done with collective nouns for multiple Subaru Outbacks.


Thoughts and opinions on this story? Click here to comment >>

Get stories like this in a free daily email