The Slice: Find your future at Expo ’74

We’ve been doing a lot of looking back lately.

So let’s momentarily shift the focus and fix our gaze on next year.

Among other things, 2014 will see the 40th anniversary of Expo ’74.

We all know the fair was a long time ago. But let’s consider just how long.

If you were not born yet, 1974 must seem like the era when woolly mammoths and disco roamed the Earth.

If you were 10 in 1974, you will be 50 next year. Once you thought life was all about cotton candy and going on rides. Then, somewhere along the way, reality grabbed you by the lapels and said, “Hey, pal, where’s that money you owe me?”

If you were 20 in 1974, you will be 60 next year. At the time of Expo, you thought life would be one long adventure in exotic travel, sexual variety and vibrant health. Then, somewhere along the way, you realized that what really put a smile on your face was bathroom regularity.

If you were 30 in 1974, you will be 70 next year. Back then, you thought you had it all figured out. Then you realized that you were spending a lot of years wandering around in real life’s Big Mistakes Pavilion and that you had a permanent pass to the Wish I Knew Then What I Know Now Exhibit.

If you were 40 in 1974, you will be 80 next year. You were in your prime back then. Now a lot of the people in their prime seem silly, shallow and incapable of having an actual conversation.

If you were 50 in 1974, you will be 90 next year. If you lived here then, you still remember Expo ’74. Wasn’t it nice when you didn’t need to remember six different passwords to get through the day?

Note from a friend: “One cliché I would like to see banned for 2013 is any argument that includes ‘If just one (blank) is saved by (blank), then it is worth it.’ This is as shopworn as it is passionately delivered. BTW, the argument almost never stands up to rational scrutiny.”

Clip-and-save post-holidays doggerel from GU history professor Betsy Downey:

“Shovels scrape, are you listenin’

“On the snow, rain is glistnen’

“A horrible sight

“I’m achin’ tonite

“After shovelin’ in this messy wonderland.”

Today’s Slice question: How long did your resolutions last?