January 6, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Hats off to dents, mashed-down hair

By The Spokesman-Review

Let’s consider hat hair.

Pro: That weird mashed-down, ridged shape just shows you have enough sense to dress properly for cold weather.

Con: Your hair can look as if you just got up from a long winter’s nap.

Pro: It suggests that you are not a shallow person obsessed with appearance.

Con: It can be a lank, flattened look that makes it appear that you have not washed your hair since 2012.

Pro: It shows that you have hair.

Con: Sometimes children point and snicker.

Pro: It says “This isn’t my first northern winter.”

Con: It can look like someone gave you a perm while under the influence.

Pro: It suggests a certain hardiness and rugged capability.

Con: “Why is there a dent in your head?”

Pro: Can help tame big hair.

Con: You might appear to be injured.

Pro: No one will mistake you for a teenager pretending to be impervious to freezing temperatures.

Con: “Nice pelt.”

Pro: Offers built-in excuse for how you look.

Con: Resemblance to burrowing rodent.

Pro: Diverts people’s attention from a facial blemish.

Con: If you get in high-profile trouble with the law, some might be tempted to add “He used to have wicked hat hair” to the usual “He was quiet, kept to himself.”

Pro: There’s something Spokaney (as in “no nonsense”) about not wigging out about it.

Con: Can make a person look like a victim of a massive noogies attack.

Pro: It could be that anything done to your hair is an improvement.

Con: “Did you wear a football helmet to work?”

Pro: Well, you mostly deal with people online anyway.

Con: Charlie Brown didn’t enjoy being called a “blockhead” either.

Pro: Can prompt conversations about that movie “Eraserhead,” which might remind you of your salad days.

Con: “I know you like cats. But it looks like you have been dishing out head-butts. That’s taking it too far.”

Pro: Co-workers might think you have invented a gelatin-mold hair style.

Con: Co-workers might think you have invented a gelatin-mold hair style.

Today’s Slice question: What ultimately determines who wins the thermostat duels in your home?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. The sparrows in downtown Spokane seem streetwise.

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