The Slice: You ain’t nothin’ but a Marmot

If the Elvis movies were remade with all-marmot casts, the storylines wouldn’t have to change much.

“Love Me Tender”: A sensitive rodent’s older brother returns from the Civil War.

“Loving You”: A young rock chuck ’n’ roller learns about life and love.

“Jailhouse Rock”: Animal inmates sing and dance.

“King Creole”: Marmots in the Big Easy.

“GI Blues”: Singing rodent adjusts to life in the Army.

“Flaming Star”: Stripped to the waist, marmots ride horses.

“Wild in the Country”: Animals behaving like animals.

“Blue Hawaii”: Marmots whirl and hop in floral shirts.

“Follow That Dream”: Spokane marmots play the lottery.

“Kid Galahad”: Furry creature climbs into the boxing ring.

“Girls! Girls! Girls!”: Boy marmots cavort during spring break.

“It Happened At The World’s Fair”: Burrow-based fun at Expo ’74.

“Fun in Acapulco”: Cliff-diving marmots in Mexico.

“Kissin’ Cousins”: The raw truth about animal husbandry.

“Viva Las Vegas”: Rodents have a swingin’ time in Sin City.

“Roustabout”: Circus marmot learns about love under the big top.

“Girl Happy”: One of God’s creatures feels the need to breed.

“Tickle Me”: A tourist at Riverfront Park loses a finger.

“Harum Scarum”: Standard marmots and Arabs fare.

“Frankie and Johnny”: Toothsome antics on a riverboat.

“Paradise, Hawaiian Style”: Marmots throw a luau.

“Spinout”: Rodents chew up hoses in race cars.

“Easy Come, Easy Go”: Songs and sighing.

“Double Trouble”: Sighing and songs.

“Clambake”: Marmots party down.

“Stay Away, Joe”: A marmot named Joe is told to stay away.

“Speedway”: Marmots wear helmets and crash.

“Live a Little, Love a Little”: Marmots get existential.

“Charro!”: Rodents go nuts with exclamation points!

“The Trouble With Girls”: Marmots date, hilarity ensues.

“Change of Habit”: A marmot who is a doctor falls for a marmot nun.

Today’s Slice question: What’s it like having the same birthday as Elvis?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. I knew Marion Keisker.

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