January 28, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Just be glad it wasn’t shoe polish

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Betty Brueske thought she was applying underarm deodorant one day last week but it was actually that fake-tan stuff.

She blamed it on sleep deprivation caused by a new puppy.

Re: Spokane TV news reporters: “They come and go so often that my only memory of them is a passing thought,” wrote Tom Tyler.

Karen Mobley offered this perspective. “I think you can tell when the fresh-faced newscaster is about to leave. They learn that Colfax is south, Colville is north, and Creston is to the west. Then they stop calling the Palouse a name that sounds like louse (the lice variety).”

And Jeff Brown answered the question about watching promos for new arrivals at the local stations. “Do I ever wonder how long they’ll last around here? Every time.”

Fill-in-the-blank/ multiple choice: “I (     ) and I vote.” A) Think we could do better. B) Talk to crows. C) Cheat on my taxes. D) Snore. E) Don’t shovel my walk. F) Wear tight tops. G) Thought Dorothy Dean was a real person. H) Miss Thudpucker’s. I) Used to cruise Riverside. J) Remember AAA baseball. K) Lose a lot of money gambling. L) Am an agnostic. M) Mock burning bans. N) Am the estranged child of a guy who had a mullet. O) Enjoy this one KYRS show in an amused/disdainful way. P) Generate a lot of unnecessary medical tests. Q) Believe in science. R) Was always under the impression that creating local jobs is not Fairchild Air Force Base’s real reason for being. S) Mispronounce wine terms. T) Wish more people used contraceptives. U) Am with my current partner mostly because I’m too lazy to break up. V) Never post anonymous online comments. W) Don’t enjoy being taken for an idiot by politicians. X) Block grocery aisles with my cart. Y) Am angry all the time because down deep I realize that my pretending to be an oppressed victim of societal change is ludicrous. Z) Other.

Overheard in downtown Spokane: “My husband says that when he met me he started losing his hair.”

Today’s Slice question: The competition is pretty stiff. But who has the most hilariously self-impressed Facebook presence in the Inland Northwest?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 992110; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. The Slice insists that you have a good week.


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