July 1, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Canada Dry fans are missing the point

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Happy Canada Day.

If you live in Spokane or Coeur d’Alene, your home is farther north than Montreal.

What’s your favorite thing about Canada?

Slice answer: Fred Tenisci of New Denver, B.C., said the youngest kid offering to do yard work for him was 17. “My daughter told her boyfriend that I would probably hire him … but I didn’t.”

Ladies and gentlemen, here’s how to talk about the heat: According to the sources I checked, this comes from a letter written by English novelist Jane Austen.

“What dreadful hot weather we have! It keeps me in a continual state of inelegance.”

OK, your turn. Can you come up with an observation on the weather that sounds like something Jane Austen might have said?

All right, I’ll go first.

“In vain I have struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to set the AC on Max Cool.”

No, that’s not quite right. But I’m confident you can do better.

Nine possible second half of the year’s resolutions: 1. Stop referring to all religious people as “snake handlers.” 2. Don’t just grunt when someone asks about your weekend. 3. When simply ignoring them is not an option, tell perpetually angry people that they are boring. 4. Start giving your boss some cheerful but honest feedback. 5. Occasionally wear a shirt with a collar. 6. Wise up to the fact that no one here is interested in your dissertations on why Vermont is superior to New Hampshire in virtually every way. 7. Declutter. 8. Get more sleep. 9. Don’t overlook the quiet people with good hearts.

Re: actors you usually can’t stand: “Nicolas Cage,” wrote Nathaniel Hildebrand. “He’s in a ton of movies. Pretty much ALL bad. Except ‘Raising Arizona.’ He was great in that icon of a movie.”

Today’s Slice question: What can you do if people smoking in an adjacent backyard detracts from your ability to enjoy being out in your own yard (or even have your windows open)? A) There’s not one thing you can say without making your neighbor hate you forever. B) Move. C) Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Being an idiot about fireworks doesn’t make you a bold defender of freedom.


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