Dear Annie: I have been married to “Molly” for 11 years. We have three wonderful children. Both of us have professional careers and make a good living. We are fortunate to have a nice lifestyle.
The problem: Our sex life is on life support. Molly says she is tired and has been to the doctor at least twice for her exhaustion. But she has the energy to go running five miles a day, just not enough energy for sex.
I question her faithfulness and am not sure how long I can stay in this relationship if things don’t improve. We are currently in counseling, but there has been no change. I have spoken with Molly numerous times about our lack of intimacy, to no avail. I need your help. – Searching for Answers
Dear Searching: If you’re asking whether Molly is running five miles to another man, we cannot answer that. It’s certainly possible. But it is equally possible that, with three children under the age of 11, she is tired of being “mom” and “wife” and wants to have something she does solely for herself.
Women and their sex drives can be complicated. Has she asked her doctor about hormonal imbalances? Is her running interfering physiologically? Do you help her out with an equal effort in child care and housework? Do you make plans to take her out for a romantic evening now and then, without expectation of sex? Does she know that you appreciate her for more than what she adds to the bedroom or the bank account? If you do these things and it doesn’t help, please ask your counselor to specifically address the lack of intimacy. Molly needs to explain herself.