Miss Manners: Don’t make a scene over lost love
DEAR MISS MANNERS: I am 16, and I fell hard for a guy I like – I mean, harder than anyone.
I remember the first time I met him. It was two years ago, and he was just sitting there, imperfect and with braces, exactly like me. I’ve never felt this way about anyone.
I’ve had a lot of problems in life and relationships, and we always talked about them.
So about two weeks ago, after a play he and I were in, we were outside, and I told him I liked him a lot. He said it’s not that he doesn’t like me, he just wasn’t ready for a relationship.
So I brought up two girls I thought he liked, and he said “kinda” to both of them.
So exactly four days after that, he started hanging out with one of the girls he “kinda” liked.
He knows how much I like him. So finally today I asked him what’s going on. He told me that he and the girl are going out to see a movie, and then he’s going ask her to be his girlfriend.
So two weeks ago he wasn’t ready for a relationship, but now he’s ready for one with a different girl. I know there’s more fish in the sea, but I feel like we’re meant to be.
I love him. I know love is a strong word, but it’s true. My two friends are coming over this week to cheer me up and have a girls’ night, so should we go to the movie theater and stalk him and the girl, or what’s your advice?
GENTLE READER: Read Edna St. Vincent Millay. That is Miss Manners’ advice.
Oh, yes, and stay away from that theater and from that couple. If you think that heartbreak is painful now, it would be nothing in comparison to what you would feel if you sacrificed your dignity and made a public scene. Or a private one, for that matter.
Furthermore, you would be killing any possible chance that in the future, the object of your love might turn to you if something goes wrong with the current romance, as is often the case.
Only a bland demeanor that hides your feelings and suggests that you never felt more than friendship will preserve your self-respect, and perhaps the possibility of a future connection.