Dear Annie: I am a woman and am deeply attracted to a good friend, also female. We have begun watching a racy TV show together at my home, and it’s becoming very uncomfortable for me to watch it with her. I find myself wondering whether I should instead offer to loan her the DVDs so she can watch them on her own. If so, do I need to explain why?
She has told me over the course of our friendship that she is eschewing romantic relationships until she is in a healthier frame of mind, which I support, and that she plans to move in six months or so. I have a young son and am not interested in a temporary entanglement. I do not want to alienate my friend and am wondering what course of action is least likely to put a crimp in our friendship. – Crushing
Dear Crushing: Is it possible that your friend is interested in you romantically? If you think that might be the case, you should tell her that you are attracted to her and see what happens. However, if that is too emotionally frightening and you fear it will end the friendship, you need to stop these incendiary “dates” in whatever way removes the intimacy from your get-togethers.
Offer her the DVDs and say that you are tired of watching this show. You could suggest an alternate TV program that is less racy or invite more people over so it’s not only the two of you. You could meet at a local coffee shop or restaurant to chat. You do not have to bare your soul to her if it makes you uncomfortable, but it means you must stop putting yourself in this compromising position.
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