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The Slice: Finding other ways to celebrate Dad

How could Spokane capitalize to a greater extent on being the birthplace of Father’s Day?

Maybe your idea could become the next big thing.

But first, let’s reject a few concepts that simply won’t work.

1. Copyrighting the words “Father’s Day.” (People rightly resent overreaching registered trademarks.)

2. A theme park called “Fatherland.” (This area already has enough image challenges.)

3. Paternity Fest. (Too much potential for inappropriate interactive exhibits, hearing a certain Monty Python song over and over and the possibility that some booster would want to dub it “the world’s largest.”)

4. Renaming the divisions within the Spokane Police Department using organizational headings such as “I’ll Give You Something to Cry About” and “You’re Cruisin’ for a Bruisin’.” (Cumbersome.)

5. Replacing “Near Nature …” with “Don’t Fill Up on the Bread.” (Fatherly advice doesn’t necessarily translate into a coherent civic slogan.)

6. Dress Like a TV Dad Days. (The problem here is we would end up with a bunch of Ozzie Nelsons, Cliff Huxtables and Ward Cleavers who, in real life, are a lot more like Homer Simpson or Don Draper.)

7. “Father Knows Best” tattoos for all Spokane area dads. (By the time the father in question has become a grandfather, that message might start to sag.)

8. Sell patience and understanding in bottles and cans. (Too easily confused with another product already on the market.)

9. Make becoming a father in the city that gave us Father’s Day a national craze. (Paternity tourism could be tough to promote.)

10. Change Spokane’s name to “Daddy-o, Washington.” (Uh, no.)

Today’s fireflies story: In the summer of 1995, Melody Podlas and her family were visiting friends in Michigan.

One night during that vacation Melody’s husband, Rick, was in the backyard having a beer when lightning bugs began to do their thing.

“He thought he was having some sort of medical emergency. He kept seeing these little flashes of light.”

He was fine, of course. But the hosts almost injured themselves laughing.

Today’s Slice question: When you were a kid on a family road trip and needed to use a restroom, what advice did your father give you?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email Please phone in your Sylvester Jr. impression.

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