June 22, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Creatures of habit don’t need automation

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Keith Bromley needed to accomplish a bit of business with a local company.

So he phoned and connected with an automated system. “A voice tells me to pay close attention to the options, as they have recently changed. I punch in numbers without listening to anything further, as the options have not changed for several years.”

Which made him think.

“In a way, it’s like the biblical injunction to be fruitful and multiply. At what point do such proclamations exceed their freshness date?”

Today’s Slice question: Which best describes your sunglasses-wearing? A) I just want to be able to see where I’m going. B) Trying to stave off macular degeneration. C) Are you digging me? D) I hate that feeling where your whole face is tense because of punishing glare. E) It is my sincere belief that I am incredibly hot and sunglasses accentuate this. F) I wear them when I have a sty. G) Wearing sunglasses is my lifestyle. H) I’m trying to make the statement: Hipster doofus coming. I) Our latitude makes for some blinding sunlight angles. J) I feel the need … the need for speed. K) I should be a movie star. L) I like being able to whip them off and hold them in my emphatically gesturing hand. M) When I was a kid, I thought Ray Bans was some guy’s name. N) I like to fantasize that people assume I am a detective, jazz musician, outfielder or aviator. O) Sunlight reflecting off water is incapacitating if you don’t wear shades. P) Well, I’m not an ogler, if that’s what you’re thinking. Q) My pupils are often dilated. R) It’s my belief that my presence conveys a certain beach-party vibe. S) It’s a little known fact that U.S. Grant’s nickname was “Foster.” T) I used to be in ZZ Top. U) The style I wear says, “I am a 70-year-old man and do not give a rip what you think.” V) People don’t recognize me when I’m wearing sunglasses and that is often to my advantage. W) They are necessary because I often address people of the opposite sex as “baby.” X) My home world is too near the sun. Y) I’m too cool to worry about whether someone might think I’m trying to look cool. Z) Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. You still have nine days to come up with your second half of the year’s resolutions.


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