Time again for a Slice Horoscope.
This is the only zodiac column written by someone who might have coughed on you in a doctor’s office waiting room.
As always, I guarantee this astrological forecast to be as accurate as any other.
Aries: People say nice things about you behind your back.
Taurus: Co-workers start to grumble about the pungent lunches you eat at your desk.
Gemini: That bold statement you were planning to make in today’s meeting? Don’t.
Cancer: If you floss and brush immediately after dinner, you might be less apt to snack all night.
Leo: Don’t strain on the pot.
Virgo: It’s a good day to tweak your social media strategy.
Libra: Bear in mind that those Spokane news anchors cannot hear you talking back to the TV.
Scorpio: Check your zipper at 9:17 a.m., and then again at 3:14 p.m.
Sagittarius: You might want to listen to some new music before loudly rejecting it all.
Capricorn: Your idea for a sitcom set at Expo ’74 just might get a nibble, if only because of the potential for some terrific bad-hair characters.
Aquarius: It could be time to forgive someone who really is sorry. Your call.
Pisces: Stop blaming Spokane for your unhappiness. There are other reasons.
Spartacus: Stop saying that the new receptionist makes you think of that old Sir Mix-A-Lot song.
Leviticus: You will enjoy a telepathic connection with furry animals today.
Nougat: Good news arrives via a text today.
Succotash: Someone paying you a compliment wants something.
Lumbago: Your yogurt brand is a joke.
Woohoo: Your daughter can sing.
Lebowski: An old flame from before you were married sends you a note. Delete.
Zagacus: Losing 5 pounds really will fix almost everything if it leads to losing 30.
Spokanthrax: Audit the contents of your purse and then lighten the load by half.
Ramalammadingdong: Your new glasses look good. Really.
Boog Powell: Don’t put your phone down on the grill.
Mikado: You’ve never changed the oil in your car?
Marmota: You don’t need any more T-shirts.
Today’s Slice question: Is it your view that Custer had it coming?
sponsored Any victim of identity theft, fire, or flood will be glad for the time taken in advance to file and store critical records.