The Slice: Gemini: Keep your mouth shut!

Time again for a Slice Horoscope.

This is the only zodiac column written by someone who might have coughed on you in a doctor’s office waiting room.

As always, I guarantee this astrological forecast to be as accurate as any other.

Aries: People say nice things about you behind your back.

Taurus: Co-workers start to grumble about the pungent lunches you eat at your desk.

Gemini: That bold statement you were planning to make in today’s meeting? Don’t.

Cancer: If you floss and brush immediately after dinner, you might be less apt to snack all night.

Leo: Don’t strain on the pot.

Virgo: It’s a good day to tweak your social media strategy.

Libra: Bear in mind that those Spokane news anchors cannot hear you talking back to the TV.

Scorpio: Check your zipper at 9:17 a.m., and then again at 3:14 p.m.

Sagittarius: You might want to listen to some new music before loudly rejecting it all.

Capricorn: Your idea for a sitcom set at Expo ’74 just might get a nibble, if only because of the potential for some terrific bad-hair characters.

Aquarius: It could be time to forgive someone who really is sorry. Your call.

Pisces: Stop blaming Spokane for your unhappiness. There are other reasons.

Spartacus: Stop saying that the new receptionist makes you think of that old Sir Mix-A-Lot song.

Leviticus: You will enjoy a telepathic connection with furry animals today.

Nougat: Good news arrives via a text today.

Succotash: Someone paying you a compliment wants something.

Lumbago: Your yogurt brand is a joke.

Woohoo: Your daughter can sing.

Lebowski: An old flame from before you were married sends you a note. Delete.

Zagacus: Losing 5 pounds really will fix almost everything if it leads to losing 30.

Spokanthrax: Audit the contents of your purse and then lighten the load by half.

Ramalammadingdong: Your new glasses look good. Really.

Boog Powell: Don’t put your phone down on the grill.

Mikado: You’ve never changed the oil in your car?

Marmota: You don’t need any more T-shirts.

Today’s Slice question: Is it your view that Custer had it coming?