Dear Annie: I am a 70-year-old widow who parted ways with my first love 50 years ago. Our only contact since then was five years ago, when I mailed some old pictures of him I had discovered. His thank-you note included an invitation to call “them” if I was ever in his area.
I will be traveling to the city where he lives in April. While I am eager to suggest meeting for lunch, I am not sure this would be proper. I believe he is married, but my intentions are only to catch up with someone for whom I once cared greatly. Should I invite him with his wife? Should I simply shelve the entire idea? – Perplexed in Phoenix
Dear Phoenix: You are over-thinking this. By all means, suggest meeting for lunch, and please include his wife. If you only want to reminisce and catch up, there should be no hint of ulterior motives. You might even make a new friend.
Dear Annie: “Conflicted Adoptee from Kansas” wanted her birth mother to tell her other children that they have a sibling.
I gave up a son 30 years ago. When he was 18, we got together to discuss why I gave him up. I had to tell my girls that they have a half-brother. Although that part went well, answering questions from my son was a lot harder. It opened up all kinds of wounds. I was worried about his opinion of me, but he was so mature. He said, “I know you are not the same person you were back then.”
It is difficult to open your heart to someone, even if you feel they have the right to the information. “Conflicted” should let her birth mother know she isn’t judging her, and that she respects her wishes about telling her children. Giving up a child was probably the hardest thing she has ever done. – Mom on Both Sides