March 19, 2013 in Features

The Slice: You survived winter; time to chill

By The Spokesman-Review
 

With today being the last full day of winter, it’s time to review the season.

More than a few Spokane area residents are a bit timid about winter. But if you are reading this, there is a good chance that you …

Managed to avoid being devoured by wolves.

Were not a snack for a freelance feeder who went Donner Party on his companions after the van conked out on a remote road.

Did not succumb to a shoveling-induced myocardial infarction.

Avoided death-by-puck.

Never found yourself in the unyielding clutches of a peckish Sasquatch.

Did not get exiled to the Island of Misfit Toys.

Were not tragically buried beneath a roof avalanche when you stepped out to get the paper.

Are not still trying to gain control of your SUV after going into a hair-raising skid on an icy patch.

Did not go to your reward after a smoldering log in your fireplace shot a spark through the screen and onto an upholstered chair at 2:17 a.m.

Were not fatally attacked by a tree while skiing.

Did not get shot by a studded-tires user after offering an unsolicited critique.

Did not experience a Mach 2 noggin/concrete interface when you slipped on a glazed-over sidewalk.

Were not dispatched by a snowman with seasonal affective disorder.

Did not experience a cascading series of bodily shutdowns after some kid beaned you with a snowball that was 75 percent ice.

Managed to avoid freezing to death even though you never wore anything heavier than a windbreaker.

Did not meet your maker after failing to wear proper footwear.

Were not set upon by belligerent teens after you mocked their cold-weather shorts wearing.

Didn’t find yourself targeted by one of Santa’s “Naughty list” drone strikes.

Did not die from shock when a snowboarder was courteous.

Were not taken from us due to complications of dry skin or cold hands.

Did not decide to end it all after watching local TV news anchors wring their hands about the prospect of winter weather in January.

Today’s Slice question: What do you do when you encounter someone with whom you have crossed paths many times and you can’t remember his or her name?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Restaurant employees sometimes have entertaining nicknames for the regulars.


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