March 22, 2013 in Features

The Slice: ‘A handful?’ You have no idea

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Parents with small children sometimes speak in code.

When they propose bringing young sons and daughters to social gatherings, they don’t want to frighten the hosts.

So they might say their little boy “can be a handful.”

Or that an adorable toddler girl is “pretty lively.”

Sometimes these euphemisms are blatant examples of false advertising. Sometimes “he’s all boy” actually means “the kid is a human wrecking ball.”

Occasionally “he’s high spirited” means “monkey boy on speed.”

OK, children will be children. And if the parent or parents in question are reasonably attentive, a little rambunctiousness can be managed in a cheerful, relaxed manner.

But sometimes the child is so epically out of control and the parent so utterly oblivious that the visit becomes the basis of a story told and retold for years and years.

What’s yours?

Just wondering: If there was spring training for backyard grillmasters, what sort of things would cookout chefs work on before the regular season?

What 21st century developments have nudged you from believing a few people are idiots to believing a lot of people are idiots: “YouTube and reality shows,” wrote Debi Drake.

Top 12 reasons you didn’t go to Hawaii this winter: 12. Money. 11. Forgot. 10. Had just watched “The Descendants” and was satisfied with that. 9. Health reasons. 8. Attitude about air travel. 7. Overslept. 6. You are a skier. 5. If you are away from your house for more than half an hour, you get burglarized. 4. Went to Wally World instead. 3. Rates are better in the summer. 2. And miss out on a week of Spokane’s captivating thaw/refreeze cycle? 1. You have said you wouldn’t go until the Mariners make it to the World Series.

Warm-up question: What should you do when you observe a flagrant foul at an Easter egg hunt?

Today’s Slice question: In your circle, who could claim to be the Inland Northwest’s unofficial goodwill ambassador?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Someone around here holds the local record for having attended the greatest number of weddings that launched marriages which ended in divorce.

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