March 31, 2013 in Features

The Slice: If we’ve hit bottom, we need new rules

By The Spokesman-Review
 

If you are deranged, you are excused.

But for others with a fondness for casual attire, I have a question.

Once you decide that it’s OK to wear pajama bottoms to the grocery store, does that pretty much signal total surrender as far as having any sartorial standards?

I ask because I have seen a couple of people recently who made me wonder. Where do we go from here? How much lower can we sink?

Both had elected to wear pajama bottoms to a grocery store. No big deal. You see that all the time. And really, who am I to judge?

But in each instance, the garments in question were so discolored and unsightly that it was difficult to avoid grim speculation, the exact nature of which I would prefer not to go into.

Let’s just say each item of apparel should have been retired long ago.

So clearly what we need is a set of standards, guidelines if you will, for wearing pajamas to the store. Maybe this is something a blue-ribbon panel could tackle at some point. In the meantime, here are my modest proposals.

1. The pajama pants should have been laundered in 2013.

2. The pajama pants should not appear to have been ventilated with buckshot.

3. The elastic waistband should not have experienced catastrophic failure.

4. The pajama pants should not be so high-mileage that they are now a gossamer veil no longer suitable as public apparel.

5. Remember, you are not The Dude and real life in the Spokane area should not be confused with “The Big Lebowski.”

Today’s Slice question: What gives away the fact that someone hasn’t been to church in a while? A) Doesn’t know the secret handshake. B) Gets out wallet/purse and asks, “How much is it?” C) Is dressed up. D) Asks stranger in the pew how long it is before halftime. E) Seems nervous about not knowing when to sit, stand, kneel or hop. F) Applauds sermon. G) Acts like he thinks the usher is trying to get him to commit to a time-share contract. H) Asks person seated next to her, “Do they still do a liturgical service here or just wing it?” I) Lets out an audible sigh about 10 minutes in when he realizes no one is going to demand that he present his papers or come up with the password. J) Other.

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Your favorite moment in “Ben-Hur”?


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