The Slice: If it’s sunny outside, he’s sad inside

Today The Slice presents a transcript of an exclusive interview with the Spokane guy who says “It’s too nice outside to be in here working.”

As usual, you won’t believe what he had to say.

Q: Are you under the impression that adulthood is supposed to be nonstop playtime?

A: Look, I just hate to waste a sunny day.

Q: Do you realize that, come summertime, sunny skies are not unusual in Spokane?

A: That’s not how I remember it. Seems like last summer we had one stretch of two or three days where it was cloudy and in the 60s. Darn near froze.

Q: How do your co-workers react when you spout your signature line?

A: One guy who sits near me says “Woo-hoo!”

Q: Mockingly?

A: What?

Q: Should you have pursued a career that involves working outdoors?

A: Nah. Those jobs tend to require lifting stuff.

Q: Isn’t the “Too nice outside” line is a bit of a cliché?

A: Bite me.

Q: Does your workplace productivity dip during Hawaiian shirt weather?

A: I play hard. Sue me.

Q: How perfect does the weather have to be before you say it’s too nice to be inside working?

A: I say it unless people with health issues are being advised to stay indoors because of particulates.

Q: What about rain?

A: Once spring is over, rain seldom lasts long around here

Q: Should kids look out the classroom window and declare that it is too nice out to be cooped up in school?

A: Could you blame them?

Q: What is the ideal outdoor temperature?

A: I’ll take 95 degrees any day.

Q: Would you be happier if you never had to go to work?

A: Well, I wouldn’t go that far. I like regaling colleagues with tales about my weekend at the lake. And sometimes there are snacks.

Q: Do you regard “It’s too nice …” as simply seasonal small talk or do you think of it as a mission statement?

A: It’s a bold declaration of freedom, an existential cry.

Q: But what about work that needs to be done?

A: It can wait.

Today’s Slice question: Is there a summer song you associate with kissing?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. At least one Slice reader heard about the birds and bees on a camping trip.

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