November 5, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Heads-up for T-Day dilemma

By The Spokesman-Review
 

You’re going to be busy and will have a lot on your mind when the big day rolls around.

So maybe you should figure this out ahead of time.

If someone sits down to your table at Thanksgiving wearing a ballcap, what will you say? A) “Judas Priest! Take that off!” B) Nothing. I judge people by the content of their character. C) “Your team had another irrelevant season.” D) “Really?” E) “How elegant.” F) “Thank you for wearing a hat, because you will be quite near open food and I suspect you have not washed your hair since Halloween.” G) “Is that what we call ‘Spokane casual’ or are you dressed to go shopping right after dessert?” H) “That totally fakes us out about your hairline.” I) “Could you at least take it off during the saying of grace, for God’s sake?” J) “Oh good, let’s argue about this before we get to politics.” K) “Are you one of the Bumpus hounds?” L) “I’ll bet real truckers take theirs off.” M) “What are you protesting against?” N) “Would taking your ballcap off mean you were knuckling under to the Eastern elites?” O) “That goes well with your buckshot sweatpants.” P) “Would it take a Thanksgiving miracle to get you to show a little class?” Q) “Would you say the blessing, Bubba?” R) “Thanks for wearing a clean T-shirt.” S) I would try to ignore it. T) I would sigh. U) I would gag. V) I would politely reach over and flick it off. W) “Expecting a food fight?” X) “It’s a very special Larry the Cable Guy Thanksgiving!” Y) “If last year is any indication, you should have worn a batting helmet.” Z) Other.

Warm-up question: What is the No. 1 factor determining whether someone says “Spokane Valley” or “the Valley”?

Today’s Slice question: You know those people who assume that virtually everyone agrees with them about politics? Sure. They seem incapable of imagining that it could be any other way. It’s a kind of magical thinking/denial. They inhabit a cocoon of like-minded voices.

But why don’t election results disabuse them of that notion?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. If Spokane had survived its own Gunpowder Plot, who would have been our Guy Fawkes and what would he have been intending to blow up?

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