November 14, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Coffee talk carries little weight

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Several of my favorite co-workers leave the office to go get coffee each day around midmorning.

Naturally, I assume that they talk about me while they are out of the building.

Oh, sure. That sounds egotistical and paranoid. But after you have spent enough time around people, you start to have a sense about these things.

So I would like to take this opportunity to address a few of the points I suspect have come up on these coffee runs.

First, it is not true that I regained all of the weight I somewhat famously lost back in 2000-01. Yes, I have regained more than I would like. Two or three pounds a year over 13 years adds up. But I have never come within 30 pounds of my original starting point.

Besides, the more important accomplishment of that yearlong party was transitioning from a sedentary lifestyle to a modestly active one.

Also, I would like to dispel the rumor that I never answer my phone at work. Not true.

Yes, I often let the call go to voicemail when I am in the middle of something. But isn’t allowing someone to leave a message better than answering and exuding impatience?

Another thing that I am quite sure has come up on these coffee runs is my struggle with salty language.

Yes, OK. I swear more than an adult who aspires to maturity should. I don’t really understand why. I am certainly not impressed when I hear others talk like that. So I am working on it and hope to improve.

And finally, let’s confront the murmurs about the hours I keep at the office. I can almost hear the coffee crew now.

“Does he really come in as early as he claims?”

“I don’t know, but he’s sure religious about leaving early.”

To that I would say, as Jack Palance did in a famous Western movie, “Prove it.”

I don’t drink coffee, but maybe I should start joining my colleagues on their outing. I wouldn’t mind hearing what they have to say about Shawn Vestal and Doug Clark.

Today’s Slice question: Are people who eat potentially clothes-staining foods while leaning back in a reclining position daredevils at heart?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Cheryl Ferguson’s family refers to Trader Joe’s as G.I. Joe’s.

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