Dear Annie: I dated “Carol” for more than eight years. I loved her and wanted to marry her. The problem was her children (now aged 37 and 42), who have not grown up to be mature adults. Carol knew from the beginning that if we ever broke up, it would be because of them.
I spent every weekend with her. The kids had a tendency to go through my personal belongings when we were on a date and when we slept. I had to hide my checkbook, wallet, truck and house keys.
Her kids still live there and put forth zero effort to make it on their own. They have no interest in facing the realities of life and simply sponge off their mother. They don’t realize that when Mom passes away (one of these days), they will have to face what they’ve been avoiding for years.
Her kids are nothing more than liars and thieves. I loved Carol very much, and they destroyed our relationship. I am hoping she will see my letter. – Anonymous
Dear Anonymous: We hope you realize that it is Carol who bears most of the responsibility for permitting this behavior from her children. If she truly wanted them out of the house, they would be out. Parents do a grave disservice to their children when they encourage such dependence. It is both selfish and lazy parenting. And Carol’s children seem particularly untrustworthy, as well.
Yes, they will have difficulty when she can no longer provide for them, but we worry about what could happen to Carol should she become ill or infirm. Those kids are unlikely to put their mother’s welfare above their own interests. We recommend you give her the number for Adult Protective Services in your state (neac.aoa.gov or call the Eldercare Locator at 1-800-677-1116). She may need it someday.