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The Slice: No bike lane in the express lane

Tue., Oct. 29, 2013, midnight

I have figured out why some people in the Spokane area hate bicyclists.

It’s not for the various reasons we all have heard a zillion times.

No, it’s because of me.

I try to be considerate when out on the road. But I have to admit that I am a bit of a menace when wheeling my bike through stores.

So why, you might ask, am I pushing my bike through stores when many establishments have racks near the entrance?

It’s because my bicycle is festooned with lights that would be fairly easy to steal. It would be a pain to properly remove all of them every time I wanted to go into a store on my way home from work. But a loser intent on ripping them off could yank them free in short order.

So why don’t I lock up my bicycle inside the store? Well, the lights would still be vulnerable to theft. And modern stores try to utilize every square inch of space. So it would be hard to lock it up without blocking some display of Easter 2014 candy or whatever.

The result is that I roll my bike through the aisles. With a shopping basket in one hand, it’s a little unwieldy.

I have not hit anyone. Yet. But my course past the tuna and mayo can be a bit wobbly.

So I apologize to those I might have alarmed. Please don’t hold it against other Spokane-area cyclists.

This one is all on me.

This date in Slice history (1994): “Today’s Slice question (fill in the blank): You know she’s an Inland Northwest woman if she can … ”

Warm-up question: Ever witnessed a braying, possibly intoxicated young adult spew a torrent of obscenities and then hear a much older observer nearby dryly intone, “The voice of his/her generation”?

Today’s Slice question: Long ago, boosters referred to Spokane as the Queen City of the Inland Empire. What if people still called Spokane that? A) It would be mandatory to have a corgi. B) Everyone would be into beekeeping. C) Certain lifestyles would be stamped “official.” D). We would all be really, really tired of hearing “Bohemian Rhapsody.” E) Lilac princesses would possess the power to have people thrown into dungeons. F) Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email Spokane’s Mike Storms has grilled steaks outdoors when the temperature was below zero.

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