Dear Annie: My fiance is amazing, sensitive and wonderful. The only problem is his sister.
When we became engaged, “Jessie” was so jealous, her mother begged us to make her my maid of honor. I did, to keep the peace. I’ve spoken with Jessie a handful of times and don’t particularly like her. She’s 29, gets a monthly allowance from her parents because she lives beyond her means, and threatens to withhold her young son from my fiance and his parents when they won’t give her what she wants.
We told Jessie she could help with the wedding plans, but then she had a total meltdown and lashed out at my fiance and his mom. We then informed her that she cannot come to the wedding unless she apologizes. This has resulted in my not being allowed near her son. My future mother-in-law is trying to force us to invite her, saying, “I promise to keep her under control so she won’t wreck the wedding.” The fact that she needs to say that makes me very nervous.
My fiance isn’t close to his sister and is tired of her behavior. I don’t want her at my wedding because she’s been so rude to both of us, but I’d accept her if she apologized. Do you think we should hold out and hope? It is our wedding. Can’t we do what we want? – The Bride
Dear Bride: Well, yes and no. Weddings represent the joining of families and, as such, should not become grudge matches. Demanding an apology from Jessie is an exercise in futility. She would rather create ill will than admit wrongdoing, and not being allowed to attend the wedding will fuel her fire for years to come. She could use some professional counseling. Meanwhile, consider the long-term repercussions of excluding her. And if you decide to forgive her, don’t rely on Jessie’s mother to rein her in. Ask a few friends to keep her in check, or hire someone to discreetly escort her out if she creates a scene.
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