September 2, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Lesson learned: It’s not dog’s fault

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Today The Slice presents a transcript of an exclusive interview with a Spokane dog who, speaking on behalf of all Inland Northwest canines, wanted to pre-emptively go on record about the unlikelihood that area pooches will be eating any homework this fall.

You won’t believe what this pet had to say.

Slice: So you contend it never happens?

Spokesdog: Let’s just say it is exceedingly rare. Homework doesn’t taste good. Even with gravy.

Slice: How do feel about children who finger you for the crime?

Spokesdog: Look, you’re not going to get me to say anything bad about little kids. We dogs live by a code. But let’s face it. Some children should be worried about that whole pants-on-fire thing.

Slice: Well, why then do kids say “The dog ate my homework!”?

Spokesdog: They know we will not testify against them. And I suppose there is an element of plausibility as some of us are hearty eaters with less than discriminating palates.

Slice: I don’t suppose it is pleasant to be falsely accused.

Spokesdog: Look, dogs have feelings, too, you know. But we understand the pressure kids are under. They want to have lives like ours. You know, run around and holler. Take a nap. Have a snack. Then run around some more. Instead, they have to go to school. It’s rough.

Slice: Do innocent dogs ever actually get punished subsequent to these allegations?

Spokesdog: Nah. Parents aren’t dopes. Besides, they realize the kid was supposed to have done the homework on a laptop. Maybe little boys and girls ought to update this excuse. You know, “Blackie logged on to my computer and erased all my school files!”

Slice: Any other advice for young scholars who find themselves a bit behind in their course work?

Spokesdog: I suggest asserting that the cat ate their homework. All they need to do is find the nearest hairball and say “Mom! That was my arithmetic worksheet!” I’d buy it in a second.

Slice: Any other ways dogs can help kids cope with school?

Spokesdog: Love. Listening. It’s what we do best.

Today’s Slice question: How many hamburgers and hot dogs have you eaten since Memorial Day?

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. There is no “b” in “swimmer’s itch.”

Get stories like this in a free daily email


Please keep it civil. Don't post comments that are obscene, defamatory, threatening, off-topic, an infringement of copyright or an invasion of privacy. Read our forum standards and community guidelines.

You must be logged in to post comments. Please log in here or click the comment box below for options.

comments powered by Disqus