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He doesn’t love you; he likes you

Sat., Sept. 7, 2013

Dear Annie: I have been in a relationship for a year, and my boyfriend has already cheated on me twice. In fact, he continues to talk and text with one of these ladies, and she recently posted a picture of them hugging closely.

My boyfriend says they are just friends, and he doesn’t see how it affects me. I happen to know he slept with her in the back of her car. Also, he blew money we needed for bills to see her. When I found out, I was furious. He couldn’t seem to apologize to me, but he did apologize to her.

How am I supposed to believe he loves me when all he does is hurt me? – Crying in California

Dear Crying: Your boyfriend doesn’t love you. He probably likes you, but he also likes a lot of other women and sees no reason not to be “friendly” with them. He will continue to hurt you in this fashion as long as you permit it. You can cry and yell and forgive him over and over, but things are not likely to change.

Please work on doing what’s best for YOU. We think that means breaking it off with the boyfriend and strengthening your self-worth. You will miss him, but you certainly don’t need him. A little short-term unhappiness is better than a lifetime of misery.

Dear Annie: This is in response to “Distraught Mother,” who was upset that her son-in-law doesn’t do more for her daughter on the days when she has chemo. When I went through chemotherapy for breast cancer, I didn’t really feel the side effects of nausea, fatigue and pain for at least two days after. On the days when I felt up to it, I enjoyed doing for others.

You don’t always want to be treated like you’re sick. I know her anxiety and distress come from love for her daughter, but the daughter and her husband know best. – LG

Annie’s Mailbox is written by Kathy Mitchell and Marcy Sugar, longtime editors of the Ann Landers column. Please email your questions to


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