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Holiday decisions should be mutual

Hi, Carolyn: I recently got engaged, and we couldn’t be happier.

However, we are facing a difficult decision for the holidays this year and in the future. We live in D.C., and every Christmas, we have gone to the West Coast to celebrate with his family. This year, my mom finally put her foot down and told me how she felt about my not spending the past four Christmases with my side of the family.

The problem is, not having my fiance with me on Christmas would be awful. He’s extremely torn, he’s never missed a Christmas morning with his family.

One additional note, we are relocating to California in the next year or so and starting a family. We will remain in California forever.

Am I right to feel as though my fiance should make this sacrifice this year? – Blue Christmas

“Who’s right?” is not the question you want to be asking as you stand on the brink of “forever.”

Instead, I suggest: “What serves us both here, with Christmas and in general, this year and from now on?”

The right answer will be personal and mutual, which is what all answers are that serve a marriage – and the people in it, by extension.

You are adults and as such you are centers of your own families now – be it a family of one, two or 13 including children, cats and goldfish. Your mommies and daddies can put all their feet down, but they no longer have jurisdiction. “Never missed a Christmas morning with his family,” I’m sorry, just doesn’t cross the marital placenta.

So start thinking and planning accordingly. If you want to see your parents, then see them – on mutually agreeable dates, holiday or non-. If this or that holiday just belongs at Mom’s, then get there – but don’t march there on anyone’s orders but your own.



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