September 29, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Real trick is not eating treats now

By The Spokesman-Review

Hi, you have reached the Spokane Halloween Candy Hotline.

Caller: Hello. Maybe you can help me. I bought several bags of trick-or-treat candy. I fully intended to save them for Halloween. But now, well, you know.

Hotline: I understand. Are miniature Snickers part of the picture?

Caller: Oh, yes.

Hotline: I see. May I ask, why did you purchase candy so early?

Caller: It was on sale. And I guess maybe I thought if one of the bags accidentally got ripped I might have one or two pieces before Halloween. Just to make certain it wasn’t stale.

Hotline: Sure. Quality control. Well, how much have you eaten?

Caller: Technically, all of it.

Hotline: OK. Well, maybe if you don’t restock until the morning of Oct. 31, you should be all right. How many trick-or-treaters are you expecting?

Caller: Last year, we had four kids show up.

Hotline: I see. And how many bags of candy did you buy just recently?

Caller: Half a dozen. I didn’t want us to run out. What if we get a late rush?

Hotline: I understand. Have you thought about buying candy that does not appeal to you personally, to reduce the temptation?

Caller: It wouldn’t feel right. I want the children to have the good stuff.

Hotline: Considered dispensing healthy snacks?

Caller: I prefer not to invite acts of vandalism.

Hotline: I see. Well, you might want to have a morning-after plan in place. You know, so you can get the leftovers out of the home on Nov. 1.

Caller: I suppose. But what if I break down and buy some more candy in the next couple of weeks?

Hotline: Is there someone who could hide the stash?

Caller: Got my daughter to do just that. But then I bribed her into telling me where it was hidden.

Hotline: Well, maybe you’ll wind up eating so much candy that you will be sick of it long before Halloween.

Caller: That’s not a bad idea. Might work. I think I’ll try that.

Hotline: Happy to help.

Today’s Slice question: When do you bring your plants inside? A) When the weather forecast calls for overnight temperatures to dip down to the mid-30s. B) Oct. 1. C) When one of the plants says “OK, I guess I’ll come inside now.” D) When I notice that they are wearing scarves. E) Other.

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email Disdain isn’t an idea.

Get stories like this in a free daily email

Please keep it civil. Don't post comments that are obscene, defamatory, threatening, off-topic, an infringement of copyright or an invasion of privacy. Read our forum standards and community guidelines.

You must be logged in to post comments. Please log in here or click the comment box below for options.

comments powered by Disqus