September 29, 2013 in Features

The Slice: Real trick is not eating treats now

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Hi, you have reached the Spokane Halloween Candy Hotline.

Caller: Hello. Maybe you can help me. I bought several bags of trick-or-treat candy. I fully intended to save them for Halloween. But now, well, you know.

Hotline: I understand. Are miniature Snickers part of the picture?

Caller: Oh, yes.

Hotline: I see. May I ask, why did you purchase candy so early?

Caller: It was on sale. And I guess maybe I thought if one of the bags accidentally got ripped I might have one or two pieces before Halloween. Just to make certain it wasn’t stale.

Hotline: Sure. Quality control. Well, how much have you eaten?

Caller: Technically, all of it.

Hotline: OK. Well, maybe if you don’t restock until the morning of Oct. 31, you should be all right. How many trick-or-treaters are you expecting?

Caller: Last year, we had four kids show up.

Hotline: I see. And how many bags of candy did you buy just recently?

Caller: Half a dozen. I didn’t want us to run out. What if we get a late rush?

Hotline: I understand. Have you thought about buying candy that does not appeal to you personally, to reduce the temptation?

Caller: It wouldn’t feel right. I want the children to have the good stuff.

Hotline: Considered dispensing healthy snacks?

Caller: I prefer not to invite acts of vandalism.

Hotline: I see. Well, you might want to have a morning-after plan in place. You know, so you can get the leftovers out of the home on Nov. 1.

Caller: I suppose. But what if I break down and buy some more candy in the next couple of weeks?

Hotline: Is there someone who could hide the stash?

Caller: Got my daughter to do just that. But then I bribed her into telling me where it was hidden.

Hotline: Well, maybe you’ll wind up eating so much candy that you will be sick of it long before Halloween.

Caller: That’s not a bad idea. Might work. I think I’ll try that.

Hotline: Happy to help.

Today’s Slice question: When do you bring your plants inside? A) When the weather forecast calls for overnight temperatures to dip down to the mid-30s. B) Oct. 1. C) When one of the plants says “OK, I guess I’ll come inside now.” D) When I notice that they are wearing scarves. E) Other.

Write The Slice at P. O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Disdain isn’t an idea.

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