April 10, 2014 in Features

The Slice: Consider dangers of arming yourself

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Here are a few questions you might ask yourself before making the switch to short sleeves.

How much weight have you gained since you last wore the short-sleeve shirts in the back of your closet?

Do you regard any shirt with a collar as “dressy”?

Are there embarrassing tattoos on your forearms?

Will you miss being able to roll up your sleeves?

Are your arms so skinny certain easily amused co-workers have been known to say “Nice guns”?

Do your short-sleeve shirts make you look like someone named Bubba or Skeeter?

Does your workplace have a dress code addressing sleeve length?

Are you a member of a Beach Boys tribute band?

Do you like to shoot your cuffs?

Are your arms so attractive that wearing short sleeves will inspire strangers to have impure thoughts?

Do you usually wear a necktie? (There are those who hold that short sleeves and a tie is not a winning look.)

Are you aware that it’s still six weeks until Memorial Day?

Does wearing short sleeves make you want to jump up and do the pony?

Will you be competing in a farmer tan contest?

Warm-up questions: Do the Hoopfest teams with the most entertaining names ever win any games? Is there any thematic similarity between the Battle of Britain and your backyard encounters with wasps and yellowjackets?

Today’s Slice question: If the origins of Bloomsday’s name had a link to a novel other than “Ulysses” by James Joyce, what book would provide the best options for a different name? A) “The Great Gatsby.” B) “Lolita.” C) “The Sound and the Fury.” D) “Catch-22.” E) “Sons and Lovers.” F) “The Grapes of Wrath.” G) “1984.” H) “An American Tragedy.” I) “The Heart is a Lonely Hunter.” J) “To Kill a Mockingbird.” K) “Brave New World.” L) “Invisible Man.” M) “Native Son.” N) “Heart of Darkness.” O) “On the Road.” P) “Moby-Dick.” Q) “The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn.” R) Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. What percentage of those who are harshly critical of high-profile people leaving Spokane to accept exciting new jobs have ever been recruited by an out-of-town employer?

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