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The Slice: Get on or get off? Choose your side

Sun., April 13, 2014, midnight

Here are the pros and cons of adopting “Get on my lawn!” as Spokane’s motto/civic slogan.

Pro: Would suggest that Spokane might not be a city of cranky old fussbudgets and angry crackpots.

Con: Might tend to be confused with the more familiar expression.

Pro: Would sound a welcoming note.

Con: Might suggest that people here believe single-family homes surrounded by turf yards is the only residential option in the Lilac City.

Pro: Evokes images of happy children running around laughing and having screenless fun.

Con: Potential for sending the wrong signal to inconsiderate dog walkers.

Pro: Hints at the reality that, despite all the nut jobs, criminals and carbuncle personalities around here, most people are reasonably friendly.

Con: Some would be sorry to see “Near nature … ” tossed into the recycle barrel.

Pro: “Get on my lawn!” sounds like something a person would say if he doesn’t spend all day fretting about liability exposure.

Con: It could be argued that this slogan is nonsensical and that we all would tire of it in a hurry.

Pro: Could be heard as encouraging energy saving staycations.

Con: Someone might interpret it as Dirty Harryesque call for a Stand Your Ground law.

Pro: Implies that the yard in question is not 100 percent covered with junk cars.

Con: Applicability to winter could be seen as iffy.

Pro: Makes us sound less anal.

Con: Could lead to “grass” humor overkill.

Pro: It’s more Spokane-like modest than “Near nature … ,” which, you have to admit, sounds like something Seattle would say about itself.

Con: Could fuel confused self-image of those who imagine that Spokane is a suburb.

Pro: Fun to say.

Con: Sort of denies the existence of xeriscaping in our relatively dry city.

Pro: Acknowledges the fundamental truth that lots of seemingly grumpy old farts in Spokane actually adore children.

OK, there you go. Feel free to weigh in.

Today’s Slice question: Can there be peace in homes where there are sharp disagreements about the appeal of bacon?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email “Spokane Valley” has the same number of syllables as “San Francisco.”

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