The Slice: Get on or get off? Choose your side
Here are the pros and cons of adopting “Get on my lawn!” as Spokane’s motto/civic slogan.
Pro: Would suggest that Spokane might not be a city of cranky old fussbudgets and angry crackpots.
Con: Might tend to be confused with the more familiar expression.
Pro: Would sound a welcoming note.
Con: Might suggest that people here believe single-family homes surrounded by turf yards is the only residential option in the Lilac City.
Pro: Evokes images of happy children running around laughing and having screenless fun.
Con: Potential for sending the wrong signal to inconsiderate dog walkers.
Pro: Hints at the reality that, despite all the nut jobs, criminals and carbuncle personalities around here, most people are reasonably friendly.
Con: Some would be sorry to see “Near nature … ” tossed into the recycle barrel.
Pro: “Get on my lawn!” sounds like something a person would say if he doesn’t spend all day fretting about liability exposure.
Con: It could be argued that this slogan is nonsensical and that we all would tire of it in a hurry.
Pro: Could be heard as encouraging energy saving staycations.
Con: Someone might interpret it as Dirty Harryesque call for a Stand Your Ground law.
Pro: Implies that the yard in question is not 100 percent covered with junk cars.
Con: Applicability to winter could be seen as iffy.
Pro: Makes us sound less anal.
Con: Could lead to “grass” humor overkill.
Pro: It’s more Spokane-like modest than “Near nature … ,” which, you have to admit, sounds like something Seattle would say about itself.
Con: Could fuel confused self-image of those who imagine that Spokane is a suburb.
Pro: Fun to say.
Con: Sort of denies the existence of xeriscaping in our relatively dry city.
Pro: Acknowledges the fundamental truth that lots of seemingly grumpy old farts in Spokane actually adore children.
OK, there you go. Feel free to weigh in.
Today’s Slice question: Can there be peace in homes where there are sharp disagreements about the appeal of bacon?
Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email email@example.com. “Spokane Valley” has the same number of syllables as “San Francisco.”