April 28, 2014 in Features

The Slice: It’s never too soon to dream of summer

By The Spokesman-Review
 
The Spokesman-Review photo

Paul Turner, Spokesman-Review columnist.
(Full-size photo)

There must be a rift in the space-time continuum.

I don’t know how else to explain the fact that it is only four weeks until Memorial Day. Exactly four weeks.

And we have used up all of our time-outs.

Let’s move on.

How to tell people to wise up: Here’s an email from Charlotte Thacker that arrived at Slice Headquarters Thursday.

“Today’s Spokesman item on the recurring duck feeding problem at Manito Park reminds me of my own recurring problem: How and whether to point out to the ‘offenders’ that feeding the birds is not only unhealthy to the lake, but also unhealthy for the birds. (White bread — argh!)

“I’m always dissatisfied with the way I communicate (or worse — don’t communicate) the concerns involved. I am reluctant to correct parents in front of their children, and I don’t wish to appear to be a supercilious old biddy either. But what about the lake? What about the birds?

“Maybe you could ask your readers how they handle these situations.”

Sweet and sour: “I recently celebrated a birthday, and not long afterward had an alarming revelation,” wrote Diana Witherspoon. “Apparently when a woman (even if she has been a professional almost all her life) reaches a certain age, a tattoo appears on her forehead that says ‘Feel free to call me Hon or Honey.’ I compared notes with my sister, who reached the milestone a couple of years ago, and she said ‘Oh my God, I thought it was just me!’”

I asked Witherspoon for a gender profile of the perpetrators.

She wrote back, “I think women are much worse.”

A lesser problem: If you record a certain TV show five times a week, it’s possible the recordings could habitually start with the last few seconds of the preceding program, a show you would really prefer to not even glimpse.

Today’s Slice question: Of all the people in the Inland Northwest who ride their bicycles to work, who has the absolute safest place to store it upon arrival?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Once, when a sales clerk in Washington, D.C., learned that Mark Cosgrove was from Spokane, she asked him if he knew her cousin in Tacoma.


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