August 15, 2014 in Features

The Slice: Fashion trends no match for a mother’s glare

By The Spokesman-Review
 
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Paul Turner, Spokesman-Review columnist.
(Full-size photo)

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Today’s Slice question: Which most closely matches your recollections of shopping for back-to-school clothes when you were a youth? A) My mother’s favorite phrase was “Leave something to the imagination.” B) Remember Hearns vs. Hagler? C) I was home-schooled. D) I was a shoplifter.

E) I was thinking my mother was finally coming around but then realized “strumpet” was not a compliment. F) I spent much of my time trying to explain why not just any brand of jeans would do. G) One August, my stepmother and I had a bonding experience. H) My mother kept saying, “Well, when you have your own money you can buy what you want.”

I) There was one disastrous year when my dad took me – he was the only male in that part of the store – and his whole agenda was “No discernible secondary sexual characteristics.” J) I could have lived without my mom’s laughter. K) My parents seemed to be under the impression that I wanted to look like one of “The Brady Bunch.” L) My parents didn’t have much money. We wore a lot of hand-me-downs. I’d give anything if I could take back my whining.

M) Most of our battles were about hair. N) I wanted a miniskirt that was about the size of a postage stamp. Shockingly, my mother had other ideas. O) I think my mother understood that the elephant bell-bottoms I wanted probably would have gotten me beat up, and deservedly so. P) Since I was wearing all black in middle school, there was not a lot to discuss.

Q) There was molar grinding and bitten lips. R) If I heard “Now that looks nice,” I put it back. S) Until I was about 10, I believed I was a cowboy. T) The lord’s name was taken in vain.

U) In sixth grade, I wanted to look like Laurie Partridge. V) I’ve purged it all from my memory. W) My mom nixed the go-go boots and falsies.

X) I remember when everything I liked supposedly made me look “like a hood.” Y) My mother said “I don’t care what Cindy Kenworthy is wearing this year.” Z) Other.

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. People who were in garage bands often have entertaining “Why we broke up” stories.


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