The Slice: Celebrating the end of party season

SUNDAY, AUG. 24, 2014

Let’s look at a few possible reasons you decided not to attend several parties this summer.

While we’re at it, let’s evaluate those considerations with an eye toward guiding your future decisions.

• You like the hosts but not their friends. (Maybe you have not met them all and perhaps a different group would have been there.)

• You are shy. (You aren’t the only one. Perhaps you might have connected with other shy people.)

• Don’t like being judged after answering, “So what do you do?” (Take comfort in the fact that anyone who does that is undoubtedly well known to others at the gathering as an utter ass.)

• Self-conscious about your food restrictions. (Understood. But you’re smart, right? And not without social savvy? That can be finessed. Anybody who gives you a hard time can go to blazes.)

• People at parties are always undressing you with their eyes. (I’m sure that’s quite a burden.)

• Too far to drive. (Yet you have been known to go to Seattle on a whim.)

• The invitation referred to the event as a “mixer.” (Well, you could insist on being shaken and not stirred.)

• You were afraid that the only reason you considered going was so that people would show up at your own party next time you host one. (I begged you to get some therapy.)

• Someone you can’t stand was certain to be there. (That happens. Maybe you could avoid/ignore him or her.)

• You suspect your politics are at odds with most other invitees. (Good grief. Has it come to that? It’s a party.)

• You were afraid you would get drunk or stoned and then do something epically embarrassing. (You could try to avoid that.)

• You are still a few pounds away from your target weight. (Can’t help you there. You are the only person with that problem.)

• Trying to make small talk makes you nervous. (So listen and nod. Ask questions about topics that interest you.)

• Parties are scary. (But isn’t it fun when you get there and realize everything will be OK?)

Today’s Slice question: Can your handwriting be read by humans who have not had training in cryptography?

Write The Slice at P.O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. Patty Busch Stewart silently pronounces the name of the Arizona city “Tuc son” so she will spell it correctly.

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