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Miss Manners: ‘Yours truly’ not expression of love

DEAR MISS MANNERS: I have noticed that, in professional correspondence, it is common to sign a letter or email with “Yours truly” or “Sincerely yours.” These sign-offs have always struck me as oddly intimate, even romantic, so I use “Best regards.”

Since those closings are used so commonly, I assume that I am probably misunderstanding the meaning of the phrases. What is the origin of these phrases, and are they to be considered intimate or formal?

GENTLE READER: How odd – Miss Manners has been noticing the opposite. Even in business correspondence, she is now seeing breezy substitutions for the conventional salutation (“Hi!”) and closing (“Best,” sometimes with “wishes” or “regards” but more often alone).

In part, this comes from the Faux Friendliness phenomenon: the notion that the only polite attitude is that of friendship, even in situations where friendship does not exist or, in the case of strangers, could not exist.

But it also arises, as in your case, from unfamiliarity with conventional phrases, and the resulting habit of guessing at their meaning.

It is not unreasonable to suppose that declaring oneself “yours” indicates an emotional attachment, but it happens that the opposite is true. “Yours truly” is the most businesslike sign-off, even when “very” is thrown in, and “Sincerely yours” is the formal closing for social correspondence when the writer is not inspired to offer something in the range from “Affectionately yours” to “Love and kisses.”

These phrases, with variations, go back at least as far as the Renaissance, and seem to have been intended both as reassurance that the writer is who he claims to be and is making honest statements, and as flattery, that timeless way of getting someone’s attention.

Miss Manners understands that conventions change over time. But she regrets seeing the use of widely understood phrases disappearing in favor of individual interpretations. They save so much time, worry, misunderstanding and tedium.


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