Annie’s Mailbox: Wife lies about texting with old flame

Dear Annie: A few years ago, my wife went out of town for a conference. A month after she returned, I was on our computer and noticed that she hadn’t logged out of her email. My curiosity got the best of me, and I saw that she had traded emails with an old boyfriend. I then discovered that the two of them had met while she was at the conference. One of her last emails to him said, “I still have feelings for you.”

On the advice of a marriage counselor, I was direct with her about it. She claimed nothing happened and that they only met for dinner and said she would never contact him again. She also was angry that I had invaded her privacy.

Last year, my wife and I hit a rough patch. I got suspicious of her behavior and checked her cellphone. I saw that she had exchanged multiple texts with this same guy. Again, she claims nothing happened, the texts were innocent and I had no right to snoop.

My wife knows the password to my email, and I never lock my cellphone. All of my communication is an open book. Meanwhile, she now locks her phone and has multiple email accounts. I understand the need for a little privacy, but I don’t believe you should be hiding things in a committed relationship. My wife is angry that I don’t trust her, and I’m having trouble dealing with this. Any advice? – Broken Up

Dear Broken: We don’t trust your wife, either. She promised not to contact this man again and then did so and hid it from you. She locks her phone and has multiple email accounts to which you apparently do not have the passwords. Worse, to deflect blame, she accuses you of snooping. There may not have been a sexual affair, but it definitely sounds like an emotional attachment. Please go back to your counselor and ask your wife to come with you. The two of you need a refresher course on how to make your marriage work and regain trust.