February 15, 2014 in Features

The Slice: Try to give everyone presidential treatment

By The Spokesman-Review
 

Let’s say you don’t have to go to work or school Monday because it is Presidents Day.

And let’s further assume that there are those in your household who will not have Monday off.

How should you conduct yourself in their presence this weekend?

That’s easy. Just check out the following list of Do’s and Don’ts.

Do: Low-key it about everything having to do with the Monday holiday.

Don’t: Say, “Woo-hoo! Come Sunday night, I will be staying up LATE!”

Do: Stress that today is only Saturday.

Don’t: Say, “Do you hear that train a-comin’? It’s called Monday morning. And it chugs for thee.”

Do: Announce that your plan for Monday is to tackle some onerous household fix-up project or clean-up chore.

Don’t: Talk about how you won’t be experiencing your weekly back-to-school stomachache until Monday night.

Do: Volunteer to get up early and fix everyone a four-star breakfast Monday morning.

Don’t: Do your famous “Three Day Weekend” dance.

Do: Go on about how Saturday and Sunday will be packed with productive errands and fun.

Don’t: Say, “Try to hold the noise down when you get up on Monday morning, will you?”

Do: Say, “It’s not fair that you don’t have Monday off, too.”

Don’t: Giggle.

Street wise: “If you can take another story about names,” wrote Muriel Rubens. “My husband Dick and I had a little girl some years ago and named her Peri. We got a lot of teasing from our friend Sam Huppin, because we lived on Perry Street at the time of her birth. Sam told us he’d name his new baby after the street he lived on like we did. When his and Norma’s son was born, they didn’t name him Thirty-Seventh as he’d threatened, but they called him Murray instead.”

Warm-up question: If you called in your guardian angel and sat him/her down for a frank performance evaluation, what sort of feedback would you offer and would the discussion include any references to “double secret probation”?

Today’s Slice question: What is the 12th best thing about living in the Spokane area?

Write The Slice at P O. Box 2160, Spokane, WA 99210; call (509) 459-5470; email pault@spokesman.com. No one ever refers to the Ides of February.


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